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Blood Donor

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Continued from New Brain from Curry's

They walk through and out of shot. A hospital lobby. A line of people are being ushered through. A sign says 'Blood Donors' with an arrow in the direction they're all going. Mr Samson is in a white coat.

Samson

Blood donors that way, please.

Donor

Oh thank you very much (joins the line).

Samson

Thank you. (Grimshaw comes up to him and whispers in his ear, Samson looks at him, slightly surprised) What? (Grimshaw whispers again) No. No, I'm sorry but no. (Grimshaw whispers again) No, you may not give urine instead of blood. (Grimshaw whispers again) No, well, I don't care if you want to. (Grimshaw whispers again) No. There is no such thing as a urine bank.

Grimshaw

Please.

Samson

No. We have no call for it. We've quite enough of it without volunteers coming in here donating it.

Grimshaw

Just a specimen.

Samson

No, we don't want a specimen. We either want your blood or nothing.

Grimshaw

I'll give you some blood if you'll give me…

Samson

What?

Grimshaw

A thing to do some urine in.

Samson

No, no, just go away please.

Grimshaw

Anyway, I don't want to give you any blood.

Samson

Fine, well you don't have to, you see, just go away.

Grimshaw

Can I give you some spit?

Samson

No.

Grimshaw

Sweat?

Samson

No.

Grimshaw

Earwax?

Samson

No, look, this is a blood bank - all we want is blood.

Grimshaw

All right, I'll give you some blood.

He holds out a jar full of blood.

Samson

Where did you get that?

Grimshaw

Today. It's today's.

Samson

What group is it?

Grimshaw

What groups are there?

Samson

There's A…

Grimshaw

It's A.

Samson

(sniffing the blood)

Wait a moment. It's mine. This blood is mine! What are you doing with it?

Grimshaw

I found it.

Samson

You found it? You stole it out of my body, didn't you?

Grimshaw

No.

Samson

No wonder I'm feeling off-colour. (he starts to drink the blood; Grimshaw grabs the bottle) Give that back.

Grimshaw

It's mine.

Samson

It is not yours. You stole it.

Grimshaw

Never.

Samson

Give it back to me.

Grimshaw

All right. But only if I can give urine.

Samson

…Get in the queue.

 

Continued in International Wife Swapping