Gorilla Librarian

Скетч:

Текст скетча переводится, зайдите попозже!

Sketch:

(Cut to interview room in town hall: a tweedy colonel type chairman; next to hint a vicar and a lady with a pince- nez. The chairman is holding up the picture of Caesar. As the camera pulls out he rather obviously throws it away.)

Vicar: Here what was that picture?

Chairman: Ssh! Next! (a gorilla enters) Good morning - Mr Fhipps?

Gorilla: (Eric) That's right, yes.

Chairman: Er, do take a seat.

Gorilla: Right sir. (sits)

Chairman: Now could you tell us roughly why you want to become a librarian?

Gorilla: Er, well, I've had a certain amount of experience running a library at school.

Chairman: Yes, yes. What sort of experience?

Gorilla: Er, well for a time I ran the Upper Science Library.

Chairman: Yes, yes. Now Mr Phipps, you do realize that the post of librarian carries with it certain very important responsibilities. I mean, there's the selection of books, the record library, and the art gallery. Now it seems to me that your greatest disadvantage is your lack of professional experience … coupled with the fact that, urn, being a gorilla, you would tend to frighten people.

Vicar: (aside) Isn't he a gorilla?

Chairman: Yes he is.

Vicar: Well why didn't it say on his form that he's a gorilla?

Chairman: Well, you see applicants are not required to fill in their species.

Vicar: What was that picture?

Chairman: Sh! … Mr Phipps, what is your attitude toward censorship in a public library?

Gorilla: How do you mean, sir?

Vicar: Well I mean for instance, would you for instance stock 'Last Exit to Brooklyn'… or … 'Groupie'?

Gorilla: Yes, I think so.

Vicar: Good.

Chairman: Yes, well, that seems to me to be very sensible Mr Phipps. I can't pretend that this library hasn't had its difficulties … Mr Robertson, your predecessor, an excellent librarian, savaged three people last week and had to be destroyed.

Gorilla: I'm sorry sir.

Chairman: Oh, no, don't be sorry. You see, I don't believe that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, and that's been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.

Vicar: And also, they're much more permissive. Pumas keep Hank Janson on open shelves…

Chairman: Yes. Yes. Yes. (a maniacal look in his eyes) Yes, yes Mr Phipps. I love seeing the customers when they come in to complain about some book being damaged, and ask to see the chief librarian and then … you should see their faces when the proud beast leaps from his tiny office, snatches the book from their hands and sinks his fangs into their soft er … (collects himself) Mr Phipps … Kong! You can be our next librarian - you're proud majestic and fierce enough … will you do it?

Gorilla: I … don't think I can sir.

Vicar: Why not?

Gorilla: I.. I'm not really a gorilla…

Vicar: Eh?

Gorilla: I'm a librarian in a skin …

Chairman: Why this deception?

Gorilla: Well, they said it was the best way to get the job.

Chairman: Get out, Mr Librarian Phipps, seeing as you're not a gorilla, but only dressed up as one, trying to deceive us in order to further your career … (gorilla leaves) Next. (a dog comes in) Ah. Mr Pattinson … Sit!

(Cut to angry letters.)