The Man With Three Buttocks

Скетч:

Текст скетча переводится, зайдите попозже!

Sketch:

Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks!

Host : I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who… (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were… (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two… Two.

Frampton: Oh, sure.

Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable?

Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine.

Host:Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your… (pause) rump.

Frampton: I beg your pardon?

Host:Your rump.

Frampton: What?

Host:Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon.

Frampton: What's that?

Host: (whispers) Your buttocks.

Frampton: Oh, me bum!

Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a… (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say.

Frampton: I got three cheeks.

Host:Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick… (pause) a quick visual… (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down.

Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am?

Host:Please take them down.

Frampton: No!

Host:No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming… that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof.

Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio … Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks.

Host: How?

Frarnpton: We go cycling together.

(Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.)

Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks.

(Interview studio again.)

Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way… I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people… didn't we do this just now?

Frampton: Er … yes.

Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so?

Frarnpton: I thought it was the continental version.

(Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk)

Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? … Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses.

Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet!

Announcer: Two noses?