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The Oscar Wilde Sketch

Русский English Magyar

В ролях:

Терри Джонс
Оскар Уайлд
Грэхэм Чепмен
Джон Клиз
Майкл Пейлин


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The cast:

Terry Jones
Oscar Wilde
Graham Chapman
John Cleese
Michael Palin


Zoom in to overlay showing some stock film of hansom cabs galloping past. Suitably classy music starts.



Mix through to Wilde's drawing room. A crowd of suitably dressed folk are engaged in typically brilliant conversation, laughing affectedly and drinking champagne. Prince: My congratulations, Wilde. Your latest play is a great success. The whole of London's talking about you. Oscar: There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

There follows fifteen seconds of restrained and sycophantic laughter. Prince: Very, very witty … very, very witty. Whistler: There is only one thing in the world worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.

Fifteen more seconds of the same. Oscar: I wish I had said that. Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will. (more laughter) Oscar: Your Majesty, have you met James McNeill Whistler? Prince: Yes, we've played squash together. Oscar: There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself. (silence) I wish I hadn't said that. Whistler: You did, Oscar, you did. (a little laughter) Prince: You really must forgive me, Wilde, I've got to get back up the Palace. Oscar: Your Majesty is like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top. Prince: I beg your pardon? Oscar: Um … It was one of Whistler's. Whistler: I never said that. Oscar: You did, James, you did.

The Prince of Wales stares expectantly at Whistler. Whistler: … Well, Your Highness, what I meant was that, like a doughnut, um, your arrival gives us pleasure and your departure only makes us hungry for more. (laughter) Your Highness, you are also like a stream of bat's piss. Prince: What? Whistler: It was one of Wilde's. One of Wilde's. Oscar: It sodding was not! It was Shaw! Shaw: I … I merely meant, Your Majesty, that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark. Prince: (accepting the compliment) Oh. Oscar: (to Whistler) Right. Right? (to Prince) Your Majesty is like a dose of clap. Whistler: Before you arrive -- before you arrive is pleasure, and after is a pain in the dong. Prince: What? Oscar: and Whistler One of Shaw's, one of Shaw's. Shaw: You bastards. Um … what I meant, Your Majesty, what I meant … Oscar: We've got him, Jim. Whistler: Come on, Shaw-y. Oscar: Come on, Shaw-y. Shaw: I merely meant … Oscar: Come on, Shaw-y. Whistler: Let's have a bit of wit, then, man. Oscar Come on, Shaw-y. Shaw: (blows a raspberry)

The Prince shakes Shaw's hand. Laughter all round.