Poetry Reading (Ants)

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Sketch:

(Cut to a poetry reading. Wordsworth, Shelley, Keats and Tennyson are present. Chris stands quietly in the comer hoping not to be noticed.)

Old Lady: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, it's so nice to see such a large turnout this afternoon. And I'd like to start off by welcoming our guest speakers for this afternoon,… Mr Wadsworth…

Wordsworth: Wordsworth!

Old Lady: Sorry, Wordsworth… Mr John Koots, and Percy Bysshe.

Shelley: Shelley!

Old Lady: Just a little one, medium dry, (a dwarf assistant pours her a sherry) and Alfred Lorde.

Tennyson: Tennyson.

Old Lady: Tennis ball.

Tennyson: Son, son.

Old Lady: Sorry - Alfred Lord, who is evidently Lord Tennisball's son. And to start off I'm going to ask Mr Wadsworth to read his latest offering, a little pram entitled 'I wandered lonely as a crab' and it's all about ants.

(Murmur of exalted anticipation. Wordsworth rises rather gloomily.)

Wordsworth:

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high over vales and hills

When all at once I saw a crowd

A host of golden worker ants.

(Ripples of applause.)

Old Lady: Thank you, thank you, Mr Bradlaugh. Now, 'Mr Bysshe.

Shelley: Shelley.

Old Lady: Oh… (the dwarf refills her glass)… is going to read one of his latest psalms, entitled 'Ode to a crab'.

Shelley: (rising: and taking his place quietly) Well, it's not about crabs actually, it's called 'Ozymandias'. It's not an ode.