Скетч:
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Sketch:
Cut to the scene on a TV screen and pull out from the TV to Mrs
Mock Tudor and Mrs Elizabeth III in their sitting room watching it.
Mrs Mock Tudor (Graham)
What I want to know Mrs Elizabeth III, is why they give us crap
like that, when there's bits of the Leicester by-pass what have
never been shown. Biskwit?
Mrs Elizabeth III (Terry J.)
(takes biskwit from plate) Oh, thank yew …
Mrs Mock Tudor switches her TV switch. The Arab boy winces in
great pain and moves over to the set. He changes channels. Up comes
a picture of the motorway again. Roller caption superimposed over the
motorway. Appropriate `Crossroads' type theme music.
Voice Over (Eric)
(reading the roller caption) Appearing on the M2 were
4,281 Vauxhall Vivas, 2,117 Vauxhall Vivas de luxe, 153 Vauxhall
Vivas with …
Mrs Elizabeth III throws the switch and the Arab boy winces with
real pain and turns the knob of the television set which changes channels.
On the TV set we see the same two ladies watching their set as before
with the tramps on it. They continue watching until the two ladies on
the set speak.
Mrs Mock Tudor
(on the TV set) Bloody repeats.
Mrs Mock Tudor
(not on the TV set) Bloody repeats.
As before she switches switch. The Arab boy winces in pain and
changes channels.
Mrs Elizabeth III
(on the TV set) Yes, repeats or war films … makes you
want to …
She throws the switch. The Arab boy winces in pain and turns over.
The White City as for show-jumping. Close up of a mounted female rider
waiting to start. Voice over of Dorian Williams.
Dorian Williams (Eric)
Hello and welcome to Show-Jumping from White City …
Mrs Mock Tudor
Oh, moto-cross!
Dorian Williams
… and it's Anneli Drummond-Hay on Mr Softee just about to
go into jump-off against the clock. The short pause is for the stewards
who are repairing the Sound of Music. (cut to shot of stewards
who are organizing eight nuns, Von Trapp in Tyrolean gear, Julie
Andrews, and the six Von Trapp children into a group forming a fence;
cut back to Anneli) … Captain Phillips on `Streuth' just caught
one of the nuns at the very start of what would have been a fine
clear round. It's a formidable obstacle this Sound of Music -- eight
nuns high but they're ready now, and singing. (the group start
singing `The Hills are Alive'; the bell goes for the start of the
round and the lady rider sets off towards the group) And there's
the bell. She's got 1.07 seconds to beat, but she needs a clear
round to win. As she comes towards the Sound of Music and …
Cut away to the two ladies watching their TV. Shot from an angle
so we can't see the screen.
Mrs Elizabeth III
Quite exciting.
Cut back to White City to see the lady rider has just cleared
the obstacle. A cheer from the crowd. The music changes to `Oklahoma'.
Follow her round to see a similar group dressed as for `Oklahoma'. Ten
hayseeds and six wenches with a hay wagon. Most have primitive pitch
forks and are sucking on straws.
Dorian Williams
… beautifully taken, and now she needs to pick up speed for
Oklahoma, but not too much. This is where Alan Jones knocked down
poor Judd, but … And … she's taken it superbly!
Mrs Mock Tudor
You notice how we never actually see the horses jump.
Cheer from TV. Cut back to White City. The horse is coming away
from Oklahoma. Cut to run up to Black and White Minstrels.
Mrs Mock Tudor
Wait for it …
Cur back to White City.
Dorian Williams
And! She's taken it … (cheer; we actually see the lady
jumper jump over the chorus of minstrels) She's over the Minstrels.
She just flicked Leslie Crowther with her tail, but the time's good,
and now she turns before coming into the final jump … this is
a tough one … It's Ben-Hur -- forty-six chariots … 6,000 spectators
… 400 slaves, lion-handlers, the Emperor Nero and the entire Coliseum.
198 feet high. 400 years across!
The lady jumper is now coming right towards the camera. Cut back
to the ladies watching.
Mrs Mock Tudor
I bet we don't see this one.
Cut back to horse actually jumping
towards the camera. Cut to newsreader Peter Woods in a news studio.
Peter Woods (Peter Woods)
We interrupt show jumping to bring you a news flash. The Second
World War has now entered a sentimental stage. The morning on the
Ardennes Front, the Germans started spooning at dawn, but the British
Fifth Army responded by gazing deep in their eyes, and the Germans
are reported to have gone 'all coy'.
