The silliest interview we've ever had / The silliest sketch we've ever done
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Sketch:(Cut to an interview set.)
Interviewer: The Magna Carta - was it a document signed at Runnymede in 1215 by King John pledging independence to the English barons, or was it a piece of chewing gum on a bedspread in Dorset? The latter idea is the brainchild of a man new to the field of historical research. Mr Badger, why - why are you on this programme?
(Pull back to show Mr Badger. He wears a flat cap and has a Scots accent)
Badger: (EalC) Well, I think I can answer this question most successfully in mime. (mimes incomprehensibly)
Interviewer: But why Dorset?
Badger: Well, I have for a long time been suffering from a species of brain injury which I incurred during the rigours of childbirth, and I'd like to conclude by putting my finger up my nose.
Interviewer: Mr Badger, I think you're the silliest person we've ever had on this programme, and so I'm going to ask you to have dinner with me.
CAPTION: 'LATER THE SAME SKETCH'
(Cut to them sitting at a restaurant table.)
Badger: My wife Maureen ran off with a bottle of Bell's whisky during the Aberdeen versus Raith Rovers match which ended in a goalless draw. Robson particularly, in goal, had a magnificent first half, his fine positional sense preventing the build-up of any severe pressure on the suspect Aberdeen defence. McLoughlan missed an easy chance to clinch the game towards the final whistle but Raith must be well satisfied with their point.
Interviewer: Do please go on. This is the least fascinating conversation I've ever had.
(A waiter comes in.)
Waiter: Would you like to order sir?
Interviewer: Yes, Mr Badger, what .would you like to start with?
Badger: Er, I'll have a whisky to start with.
Waiter: For first course, sir?
Waiter: And for main course, sir?
Badger: I'll have a whisky for main course and I'll follow that with a whisky for pudding.
Waiter: Yes sir, and what would you like with it, sir? A whisky?
Badger: No, a bottle of wine.
Waiter: Fine, sir, he said between clenched teeth knowing full well it was a most unrewarding part.
Interviewer: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in.
Badger: Shall we stop it?
Interviewer: Yeah, all right. (they get up and walk out)
CAPTION: 'THE END'