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Pull out from screen to see that this is the screen in the awards
set and Dickie is working a stirrup pump which pumps tears out from
the side of his head via rather obvious tubes.
There they go, the credits of the year. Credits that you and
the Society voted as the credits that brought the most credit to
the Society. Sadly, the man who designed them cannot be with us
tonight, as he is at home asleep, but we are going to wake him up
and tell him the good news.
We see a darkened bedroom. The light is suddenly switched on.
We see two men in bed together.
Are you there in Bristol, Arthur Briggs…?
(terrified) Oh, my God! (pulls a sheet over the other
Cut back to Dickie.
And now for the moment you've all been waiting for…
CAPTION: The End
No, not that moment. Although that moment is not coming, in
a moment. The moment I'm talking about is the moment when we present
the award for the cast with the most awards award, and this year
is no exception. Ladies and gentlemen will you join me and welcome
please, the winners of this year's Mountbatten trophy, Showbusiness's
highest accolade, the cast of the Dirty Vicar sketch.
The cast enter to applause and stately music, shake hands in turn
with the Dummy Princess Margaret and collect the award, shake hands
with Dickie and then line up behind him.
Well, now let us see the performances which brought them this
award. Let us see the Dirty Vicar Sketch.