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Sketch:
Cut to a hospital ward. Numerous doctors and nurses are listening
to the radio.
Radio Voice (Michael)
And there's Frank Sinatra leaving the ring. Behind him is George
Raft, another great boxing fan, Martin Bormann, acknowledging the
applause, and with him of course is Gus Himmler, who did an awful
lot for the sport in his country in the early 1940s. And here comes
the Champ now and he seems in good shape to meet the Killer once
again. Before an audience, some of them will have paid $920,000
million for the privilege of seeing this boy get beaten up. And
there's the bell.
Patient (?)
(having a heart attack on the bed in the corner) Aaarrrghhh!
All (?)
Quiet!!
Radio Voice
And a left and a right and a right jab that's taken the Champ's
shoulder off. And here's the Killer again with a right and another
left and a bash with a hammer and a terrific smack with a heavy
thud right into the skull and there's a gaping hole right through
the Champ's body now. And now the Killer's working on the cut eye
with a series of beautifully placed punches and the head's coming
loose. (the doctors and nurses getting increasingly excited)
The Champ must try and keep his head on. The Killer's kicked him
in the groin and he's bitten half his left buttock off and the referee's
stepped in with a warning there. What a plucky fighter this Champ
is. He's fighting as well as I've ever seen him. Must be losing
blood at a rate of a pint a second now. It's everywhere. Certainly
those who paid one and a half million dollars for those ringside
seats are really getting their money's worth. They're covered in
it. And his head's off! (everyone cheers) His head that's
come off in so many fights is off in the thirty-first second. It's
rolled away down to the left … but what's happening? The Killer's
being talked to by the referee. There's the Champ … plucky little
body racing around the ring, trying to find his opponent. And the
Killer has been disqualified. (pandemonium breaks out in the
ward - some patients cheering, doctors thumping them in disagreement)
He's been disqualified … this great fighter who has killed more
than twenty people in his career has at last been defeated by this
courageous headless little southpaw from New York. And there's a
great roar here as the referee raises the arm of the new World Heavyweight
Champion. What a pity the rest of his body wasn't there to see it.
(general disappointment; someone changes channels)
Second Radio Voice (Terry J.)
Well here in London it's 12.30 and time for `The Robinsons'.
(everyone perks up) An everyday story of bla-di-bl-di-bla
… (sings `Archers' theme tune) da di da di da di da …
and so on.
Link to next sketch…
